Porn is love you can see.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
