I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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