3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
