my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
