two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
