what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
