Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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