PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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