My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
