hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
