I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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