I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
