I want to walk on stilts...naked
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
