Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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