we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
