What a fucking waste of an outfit
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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