Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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