then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize