Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
