Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
