Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
