I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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