Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
