Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
