he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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