i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
