i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
