life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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