If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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