You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
