There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
