You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
