you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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