i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
