Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
