man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
