I puked a lego.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
