we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
