please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
