remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
