I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
