His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
