It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
