woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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