this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
