she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
