OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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