There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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