How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
