Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
