Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
