I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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