Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
