who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
