is wine microwaveable?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
