Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The best revenge is premature balding
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
