The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
