Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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