well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
