This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
