Non-Jews are for practice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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