Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize