someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
