All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
