i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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