we have officially lost it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
