so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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